英文幽默小故事背诵

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In the capital of Iceland, Mrs. Brown's old grandfather lived with her and her husband.

Every morning he went for his regular walk in the park and came home at half past twelve for his lunch.

But one morning a police car stopped outside Mrs. Brown's house at twelve o'clock, and two cops helped Mr. Brown to get out.

One of them said to Mrs. Brown, “The forgetful old gentleman lost his way in the park and telephoned to us for help, so we sent a car to bring him home.”

Mrs. Brown was very surprised that she thanked the cops gratefully and they left. “But, grandfather,” she then asked the suspect old man, “you have been to that park nearly every day for twenty years. How did you lose your way there?”

The old man smiled, clapped his forehead and said, “The sunlight is too strong. I merely got tired and I didn't want to walk home. So I went to a phone booth and dialed to the police!”

16 He wanted to talk to Billy 16

Mrs. Jones, a chairwoman of a big drug company, was waiting for an important official telephone call.

But she had no sugar and vinegar in the house, so she left the baby at home and said to his 5-year-old brother, "I am going to the canteen, Jimmy. And I will be back in a few minutes." While she was out, the telephone rang and Jimmy answered. "Hello," said a man, "Is your mother there?"

"No," the lively boy sucked a chocolate pole and answered. "Well, when she comes back, say to her,' Mr. Baker telephoned.'" "What?"

"Mr. Baker. Write it down. B-A-K-E-R." "How do you make a 'B'?"

"How do I make...? Listen, little boy! Is there anybody else with you? Any brothers or sisters?" "My brother Billy is here."

"Good! I want to talk to him please."

"All right!" Jimmy took the wireless telephone to the baby's bed and give it to Billy. When their mother came back, she asked: "Did anyone telephone?" "Yes," said Jimmy, "a man, but he only wanted to talk to Billy."

17 Wife's Picture 17

A businessman entered a bar and ordered a double wine. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered the Bartender to prepare another double wine.

After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered the Bartender to bring another double wine.

The bartender who observed him the whole night said to him, “Look buddy, I'll bring you wine all night long, but you have to tell me the riddle why you look inside your nylon shirt pocket before you order another?”

The customer replied, “I'm peeking at an unpleasant photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home.”

18 The Earthquake


Johnny lived with his mother and father in a restful mountainous town in Switzerland. One day there was an earthquake near the town.

Many houses were injured. Everybody thought that there would soon be another earthquake.

They were worried that the second earthquake would be worse than the first. "We must send Johnny to a safe place," Johnny's mother said to her husband, "many of our friends are sending their children to relatives in other towns." "We'll send him to my brother, Peter."

Johnny's mother said, "He lives a long way away. Johnny will be safe with him."

He telephoned Johnny's Uncle Peter, an expert in botany, and asked him if he would let Johnny live with him.

"Your nephew is a good boy," he said, "He won't give you any trouble."

"All right," Johnny's Uncle Peter said, "But I'm not used to children. I live a very quiet and peaceful life."

"You won't know Johnny's in the house," his father told him. So Johnny, who was five, went to live with his uncle.

Two days later, his mother and father received a telegram from Peter. It said: "An returning child. Please send earthquake."

19 The Rescue

A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. Passers-by gathered rapidly around trying to get him out before the train went him over.

They were all shouting “Give me your hand!”, but the man would not reach up. The whistle of the train could be heard in the distance.

Tom forced the passage through the crowed and leaned over the man. “Friend,” he asked. “What is your profession?” “I am in income tax inspector,” answered the man. “In that case,” said Tom, “take my hand.”

The man immediately grasped Tom’s hand tightly and was dragged to safety. 。

Tom turned to the amazed masses and declared, “never ask a tax man to GIVE you anything. You fools！”

20 Very pleased to meet you

During the period of World War II, a lot of young nurses in Britain were in the army.

Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers, and soldiers.

One evening, she met Captain Baker at a dance, and the captain was attracted by her beauty. He said to her, “I'm going to board a train bound for the frontier tomorrow, but I'd be in good spirits if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they corresponded for several months.

Then his letter stopped, but she received a telegraph from another officer,

telling her that the captain had been wounded by bomb explosion and was in a certain hospital. She went there and said to the receptionist, “I've come to visit Captain Baker.” “Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,” the receptionist said. “Oh. That's all right,” answered Joan. “I'm his sister.”

“I'm very pleased to meet you,” the receptionist said. I'm his mother.”

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